Psalms 46:4 “[There is] a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God.
I am packed and leaving the Catskills. There is something very unsettling deep within my spirit. I hear myself crying out, “Oh God, are you going to leave me now that I am leaving this place of silence? Will I not know you like I know you now when I return to the city?” Instantly my thoughts went back to when I was a small child and hanging in my bedroom was a small plaque that my mother had hung on the wall. It was very cheaply made. Just a three by five inch piece of wood with a sticker on it picturing a little deer and underneath were the words from Hebrews 13:5, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” The very first Bible verse I ever memorized, for every night before I fell asleep I read that little verse hanging on my bedroom wall.
I looked out over the stream behind my cabin once more and I was reminded of Psalms 46:4, “There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God.” The word for streams in the Hebrew is nahar. Nahar is a gentle flowing endless stream unlike the Hebrew word nachal which is a torrent bed of water during the rainy season. I felt God was saying that where ever you go I will go with you and my waters will never run dry.
There was once a woman mentioned in John 4 who met Jesus at a well. The woman had five husbands and the one she was living with was not her husband. Actually, this was a sign of being a reject more than an adulterous woman. A woman could not live alone or be seen without a man caring for her. Apparently when her first husband had died she was bounced around from man to man, no more than a servant or slave. When one man grew tired of her she was passed on to another man. Yet, Jesus took the time and broke all protocols to speak to her, as Samaritan woman and he a Jew, which was definitely not politically correct in those days.
He told her He would give her living waters, a gift from God and if she were to drink of these waters she would never thirst again. I know what Jesus is talking about for I came to the Catskills thirsty and until I took of the living waters of Jesus Christ, that thirst was not quenched. But when I leave this place, will I grow thirsty again and if so how will I quench that thirst?
Although I leave feeling something unsettled in my spirit, it is like a call to closet myself in Him, to know Him in a much deeper intimate way. I think of Horatio Stafford who lost his family in a shipwreck. When he passed over the waters where his family perished he was able to say, “It is well with my soul.” As I leave this place of peace and comfort to return to whatever I must face in the next year, I know that “It is well with my soul.” Yet, I am so afraid to leave that presence of God that I had come to so endear in these last few days.
When Moses had returned from the mountain top where he communed with God for thirty days, speaking to God face to face like a man would speak with a friend, God asked. “What do you want?” Moses replied in Exodus 33:13, “Now therefore, I pray thee, if I have found grace in thy sight, shew me now thy way, that I may know thee.”
Moses wanted to hode’ani God and eth derekeka va’ayada. Hode’ani is from the root word yada’ as is va’ayada. Yada’ means to know in an intimate way. It is the same word used to express the physical intimacy between a man and woman. The ancient Hebrews did not see this union between a man and woman like we see it today, to them the physical aspect of the union was secondary to the emotional aspect. When a man knew (yada’) his wife, it meant that he was one with her emotionally, one with her in thought and purpose. Their hearts were joined together as one. This is what Moses wanted, he wanted to know the derekeka or God’s way, to know all that God desired, not just the direction to God but the direction of His Heart, to know God’s heart in a much deeper way. When Moses said that he wanted to know God, we find that the word hode’ani is yada’ in a hiphal preterite form. In other words he wanted God to do something that would cause him to know Him, to reassure him that when He left that mountain that God was still with Him, that He would never leave him nor forsake him. Scripture tells us that God passed by Moses showing his His lovingkindness.
Had I not seen the glory of God in these few days in the Catskills, did I not experience His unspeakable joy, did I not feel His loving presence? Yet, as I leave the Catskills I sense God asking me, “What do you really want and I will give it to you.” I felt in that moment whatever I asked from God, He would grant it. I could ask for riches, fame, and a large platform to proclaim His love, or even restored health. Yet, at that moment I just wanted what Moses wanted to be caused to become intimate with Him, to know His heart and to know that He would truly never leave me nor forsake me.
As I drove down the road away from my cabin, leaving the Catskills and mediating on Hebrews 13:5 I looked up and saw a deer standing in the road, just looking me. I stopped my car and looked back at him. It was that little deer whose picture hung on my wall as a child. I begin to listen with my heart and I heard him speak those words from the first verse I ever memorized, “Our creator will never leave you nor forsake you.” Then he swiftly ran by me with all the beauty and grace that his Creator has bestowed upon him. I knew when I left the Catskills mountains, God was going with me, that He would never leave me nor forsake me.
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