Jeremiah 20:7,9: “O LORD, thou hast deceived me, and I was deceived: thou art stronger than I, and hast prevailed: I am in derision daily, every one mocketh me. (9) Then I said, I will not make mention of him, nor speak any more in his name. But [his word] was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not [stay].

Do you ever feel like Jeremiah, you serve God faithfully, you speak His message boldly and all you get in return is misery and mockery.  You end up making a complete idiot of yourself and people are embarrassed for you and say they are  praying for you, while all the time they are thinking “Loony tunes.”  You are in good company because you are right up there with Jeremiah and Chaim Bentorah.

I am sitting here with a book contract from a well-known and respected Christian publishing house. The contract was negotiated by a literary agent from an old and well established Christian Literary Agency.  I am hesitating signing this contract.  I mean, if the internet has it right and I sign this contract I can join the one percenters.  According to the article I read only one percent of the writers seeking to be published by a traditional publisher ever get a contract and here I sit with one with my name on it and I am hesitating.  Oh, I will sign it, but I am not doing cartwheels, dancing in the streets and shouting praisealleuia.

Allow me a moment of honesty here.  Some of you know that last year I signed a contract with one of the big five major publishing houses who owned the largest Christian publishing house in the world. With that contract in hand I boldly declared to everyone, former students, classmates and  relatives that I was now a published author.  I delighted in meeting former students, classmates and relatives waiting for that question: “Why, what are you doing now?”  I would reply: “Oh, I am just writing books.”   They would say: “Why that is wonderful, have you been published?”  Then I would hit them with: “Well, actually, I just signed a contract with a major publishing house.”  They would reply” “Why that is amazing, we never thought you would ever succeed at anything and now here you are a published writer.”

So I lived and basked in the glory of being a published writer for the next few months until I got a phone call from the director of Christian publishing for this big five publishing house.  “I am afraid I have some bad news for  you.  The Christian publishing house that was going to publish your book brought in a couple Hebrew scholars and they did not like your esoteric approach to the Biblical Hebrew, I am afraid they are backing out of the contract.”

To say I was disappointed is putting it mildly, I was shattered. I locked myself away and cried out to God: “Why are you putting me through this humiliation.  Have I not been through enough in my life and now you have to do this?  Couldn’t you at least allow me some measure of success so I don’t have to run and hide when I see old classmates and friends coming down the street and have to admit that I just drive a disability bus?”  I could hear my old friends, classmates, students and relatives now saying: “Oh, that’s ok, we knew you would never get published, we knew all along it was just a joke.  You probably never even had a contract to begin with you just imagined the whole thing.”

I sensed the Lord asking, “Why did you want to publish that book?”  I said: “Oh, Lord, I want to get that message of your love and your heart out to people.”  Again the Lord asked: “Why do you want to publish that book.”  I said “Why Lord I want to encourage people to study your Word.”   Again the Lord asked, “But why do you want to publish that book?”  I replied, “I want people to see a depth in your Word that they have never seen before and be encouraged by it.” Once again I felt the Lord asking: “Really? Is that the real reason?  What is the real reason you wanted to be published?”  I then admitted, “I want to  be vindicated. I want friends, relatives, former students and classmates to be pleased with me.”   I clearly heard the Lord say: “I am the only one you need to please.”   You want to know something?  He is the easiest One to please.

Jeremiah had it out with God.  Here he served God as a prophet and no one listened, they laughed at him and mocked him and then threw him into a pit. In that pit, in all his misery, he cried out to God: “Lord you deceived me and I was deceived.”  Ok, I never felt the Lord deceived me, I am sure you never felt that way either and neither did Jeremiah.  I mean that is almost like calling God a liar.  I  knew when I first committed my life to serve Him that I deliberately choose that narrow road and I knew there would a lot of pot holes and bumps and heartbreak.  So, ok, God was upfront with me, he never promised a rose garden.

That word deceived in Hebrew is Pathah and it means to be persuaded, seduced or enticed.  Yeah, that is my story, God persuaded, enticed me and even seduced me into taking that narrow road and I don’t regret it, if I had to do over I would do it again. Actually, when you trace that word Pathah to its Semitic root it is applied to someone who is simple minded, who says whatever he is feeling and then ends up making a fool of himself.  What Jeremiah is saying is that “God you put words in my mouth and I just foolish spoke them out without even thinking and ended up making a fool of myself.”  Hey, I know I am not the only one out there that gets so full of the love of God that you end up saying and doing things in the heat of the moment and then later thinking: “Dumb, dumb, Chaim Bentorah is a dummy, a dummy is Chaim Bentorah.” How many times have I been so overwhelmed with the love and presence of God that I put my foot in my mouth and only take it out long enough to insert my other foot.  If you read my blog for any length of time you will know what I am talking about.

Jeremiah then admits, “But you are stronger than I am and you prevail.”  That word stronger is in Hebrew is chazaq which comes from an old Canaanite word meaning to bind or squeeze.  It has the idea of overpowering.  It is like God gets you in that wrestler’s chock hold and you cry “Uncle.”  During the Roman Empire Roman children when being bested by a bully would be forced to say the Latin phrase: Patrue, mi Partruissimo (Uncle my best Uncle) to be freed.   In other he would be calling for his uncle or an adult for help proving his weakness. In Roman times an uncle was afforded the same power and status as a father.  Another theory is that the word Uncle is really a form of the words, “I’ll go.”  That last applies to my situation.  After  making a complete fool of yourself suddenly I am again confronted another situation to speak out for God, and like Jeremiah says in verse 9, “I say I won’t speak his name or Word this time and once again the presence of God so overwhelms that “[his word] was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not [stay].”  I could write another 1,000 words as to what that means in the Hebrew but ultimately what it means is simply when God puts the chazaq on you it doesn’t take long before he has you in that chock hold and you are pounding your hands on the ground crying out “Uncle – I’ll go, I’ll go.”

So I must end this little homily as God has me in a chazaq right now and He is squeezing tighter and tighter and I will finally have to say: “Uncle, I sign the contract already.”   I know I’m going to regret this.