II Chronicles 5:14: “And the priest could not stand to minister by reason of the cloud; for the glory of the Lord had filled the house of God.”
After breakfast on the fourth day of silence I noticed something different. The first day everyone came into the dining hall ate in silence and left. However on the morning of the fourth day I noticed the retreatants taking longer than usual to eat their meal and then when they finished they did not rush out. For one thing there was nothing to rush to. But at the same time, no one was in a hurry to leave. They just sat at the tables and stared out the window as if there was something in that room that just kept them there and they did not want to leave.
Perhaps it was the glory of the Lord. Maybe not as profound as the account in II Chronicles but the presence of the Lord was there. The Bible describes the presence of God as a cloud. The word cloud in Hebrew is ‘anan. Its Semitic origins the word comes from a root word meaning an obstacle or a covering. In the Canaanite language it is used to express the idea of presenting oneself. It is also used for the practice of soothsaying or to those who create phenomena’s and comes from the root word ayin which means the eye a seeing and observing. The word is also used for the hum of insects or the whispers of leaves. It is associated with soothsayers because they are known to hum or whisper in their calling up of the spirits.
This word actually is more of the idea of seeing a sound. There is nothing in this word that would suggest moisture or vapors which is what a cloud is composed of. This cloud was composed of a sound or vibrations. The Bible says the priest could not stand. I felt this yesterday as I tried to take a walk but I found it hard to actually stand and walk that I canceled my hike. I went up to my cell and just lay down on my bunk. I could not even worship or praise God. It was almost like God just wanted to love me and not get anything in return, even praise or worship, He just wanted to love with no agenda.
There are times I just want to worship and praise God, I try but there is nothing there, yet I feel the presence of God, I feel His love. I wonder how many times in a worship service we feel we must do something to praise God or we are not worshipping. Perhaps that is why God sends the cloud so to speak to keep from praising and worshipping Him so he can just love us without an expectation of a return in praise for loving us. True love does not expect anything in return, it only wants to give.
I think I am learning from my time of silence that there are many dynamics to worship. There is a worship that involves praise and shouting, there is a worship that is quiet and peaceful. There is worship of uplifted hands and a worship of bending of the knee or even of prostrating yourself on the ground before Him. There is also a praise and worship of silence. My whole time in silence I never spoke a word of praise for I was silent before God. Yet, I felt His love, His presence to be just as real and powerful as any worship service ever attended where we were making a lot of noise and telling God how much we love Him. You know one of the joys of a love relationship is when each spouse seeks to discover new and different ways to say “I love you.” Yet when we worship God we do the same thing over and over and over. The danger of doing the same thing over and over is it becomes a duty rather than an expression of your heart. It is like a husband and wife saying “I love you” over over and before long it becomes a duty. Not that saying “I love you” is wrong but you need to add a little spice to it, like look the person in the eye once in a while, change the tone of your voice, plant a kiss, kiss her forehead, touch her check and say “I love you.” Just do something so it does not become routine but keeps its meaning.
One thing I have noticed about our churches, particularly about our charismatic churches is that we tend to lock ourselves into one form of worship. Somewhere in the history of that church the Lord really moved and there was an outpouring of the Holy Spirit. After the event people continued to practice whatever it was they were doing when the Spirit of God fell hoping to recapture moment. Thus, they play loud music for the Holy Spirit was manifested at one time with loud music. Another church may practice singing quiet reverent songs for they experience the presence of God during those moments. So may try to reenact the outpouring by jumping up and down, rolling in the aisles, groaning and grunting because that is how the Spirit of God manifested Himself on one occasion and therefore you perform these acts again as evidence of the moving of the Holy Spirit. Yet, the Holy Spirit is like the wind or a cloud; you don’t know where it came from or where it is going. All you can do is follow the wind or walk into the cloud and continue in the presence of God.
It is like taking a set of keys and dropping them on the ground. Suddenly I feel the presence of the God, so warm, so refreshing, and so wonderful and I think: “I have the secret to the presence of God, I just drop my keys.” So the next time I need the presence of God I drop my keys, but I feel nothing. I think about and try to imitate just how I held the keys when I dropped them, with two fingers or three, maybe three will work because it represents the trinity. But no, still no presence. I consider the height at which I drop the keys, waist high or eye level, maybe eye level as that represents seeing God. But still I don’t feel the presence of God. I think about the keys, maybe is I got the key to the church, yes, dropping a church key will surely bring the presence of God.
“Ridiculous” you say and of course it is ridiculous about as ridiculous as trying to bring the presence of God by singing a certain song, playing the electric guitars at a certain volume, playing a certain rhythm on the drums or really pounding the daylights out of the drums or singing a quiet meditative song or even being quiet and living in silence will bring the presence of God. The presence of God is like the wind or a cloud, it comes and it goes and you have no idea where it came from or how it came about.
God loves us and expects nothing in return but simply to love us. A man and woman may love each other and not expect anything in return. But if that man proposes marriage to give her His heart if she will give him her heart, then oh how that love suddenly zooms and flies into ecstasy. Perhaps the woman rejects the man’s proposal. That man’s love for the woman will not suddenly disappear. It will eventually fade as he turns his attention elsewhere. So to Jesus has proposed marriage to us, He has offered to allow us to live in His Father’s house. We can reject the proposal and He will still love us, but forget about living in His Father’s house. Ah but if we accept his proposal and love Him in return, how His love soars and is filled with ecstasy.
God loves us with no expectations, but how wonderful for Him (and us) if we love Him in return. You know another use of the word ‘anan or cloud is forbidden. You see God loves us but we are forbidden to enter that cloud of love if we do not love Him in return. How can live in His Father’s house if we reject His proposal of marriage. That cloud is forbidden to all except those who chose to return His love. For a cloud is an intermingling of drops of water and moisture. God can give love but His love can only intermingle with a returned love.
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