Psalms 62:6 “Only for God does my soul wait in silence, for from Him cometh my hope.”

C.S. Lewis in his book Screwtape letters tells how the senior demon has concocted an interesting plan to drive us away from God.  He choses to distract us with noise.  He knows that if we are bombarded with countless distractions of noise we will be unable to hear the voice of God in Silence.  He goes on to say the devil hates music and silence.

Indeed as my second day of silence comes to an end I am beginning to know and recognize God’s voice. The world is strangely becoming dimmer and the supernatural becoming more natural than the natural. It took a couple days to get all the noise out of my head but I am now entering the world of silence before God and experience the delights and sorrows of that world.  The delights as God and I speak as if we were old friends sharing our experiences and sorrow as I begin to see His heartbreak over a lost and dying world.

Oddly, so many things that seemed so important before I left Chicago now seem ridiculous I wonder why I fretted over them.  I am sure that is what it will be like in heaven, we will wonder why we wasted so much time and energy fretting over daily concerns that were all in God’s hands to begin with.  I find I am so at peace with the assurance of God being in control that I am not at all worried about having to move to a new apartment when I return, going back to my bus driving job and so many other things that causes stress. They are so unimportant in the light of His glory and graced.

This evening I met with Jesus in the meditation room and He asked what I wanted during this time of silence.   So many things I could have asked a few days ago seem totally unimportant.  I could only think of two things and both were focused on ways to reach people with the message of God’s heart.

Temptations seem almost non-existent.  To even submit to a mild temptation seems totally out of place.  The reason is because there is no noise, nothing screaming at me to satisfy personal needs and longings.  No TV blaring out the latest product to make my life easier, no pressure to be socially acceptable and say the right things and there is no talking, all is silent.  No one even feels it is rude or are they offended if you just ignore them because that is what we are supposed to do.  I sit across the table from someone during dinner and of course the first thing you think or feel is: “I must somehow acknowledge this person’s presence.”  Then you try to figure out the opening line like “Nice weather,” or “How’s the retreat going so far.”  Of course we have taken on a vow of silence so we cannot ask any questions.  I wonder at the pressure we feel just from simple social obligations like trying to acknowledge someone or feeling that  fear of offending someone.

I know these are little things but I never realized how they affect your relationship with God.  Maybe it is just me but social pressure is an amazing distraction from God. I am constantly worried at church if I greeted someone correctly or if I said the right words, maybe I might accidentally offend someone and while thinking all this I am trying to worship God.  If I am asked to pray I am so conscious of what people may be thinking about me as I pray.  “Is Chaim Bentorah fellow for real?” “Ah, he sounds to holy.”  “He could at least throw in a thee or thou.”   That is why the Jews wear a tallit when praying or worshipping God.  By wearing the tallit they are saying to the world:  “I am shutting myself out from everyone so I can concentrate on God.  Sorry if you are offended if I don’t acknowledge you. You know like tough buttons buddy, this prayer shawl is saying I have no social obligation while I am praying and worshipping God. Find your own prayer closet.”

That is why I so hate praying in public.  No matter how hard I try I am so aware of what people may be thinking.  “Did I use the right words, did I sound holy enough, am I praying too long or too short?”  In silence there are no social obligations to pressure your attention away from God.  You can pray as long or as short as you want, no one is listening, no one cares.

In Psalms 62:6 David says his soul waits in silence. The word silence is Hebrew is damam which means to be still, quiet or to be struck dumb.  The word has a built in commentary. It is spelled Daleth which is a doorway or portal to the Mem which is the revealed knowledge of God and the final Mem which is the hidden knowledge of God.  In other words silence is a doorway to the revealed and hidden knowledge of God.

I have indeed found this to be true.  It is in silence, away from all the distractions that you really do hear God’s voice and he does share with you the revealed knowledge of His Word and if you learn to listen with your heart, He will share his hidden knowledge as well. Sometimes it comes from a little bird singing and dancing before you as one is doing right now. So excuse me but I believe this little bird is a prophet with a personal message from God to me.  I know as soon as I get home and read this I will be thinking, “Get the net, get the net, this Chaim Bentorah fellow has finally snapped his cap.”