Psalms 68:6: “God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry [land].”
As I enter Day #3 in my journey through the dark night of my soul in search of He whom my soul loves I have met up with a shadow that has been clipping at my heels for many years. It is the shadow of rebellion. There are many occasions in my life when I am tempted to do something that would offend my Lord. Nothing serious, just little things like wasting my time when I could be spending it with Him, listening to off color stories that I know my Savior would be offended by but I not wanting to appear like a fanatic. Letting my pride get the best of me, bragging about my books and my knowledge of the Bible. What’s the big deal, yet, I sense the Father telling me that these little things, harmless as they are, with nobody getting hurt and sometimes they even prove beneficial to not only me but others as well they are still wrong and I am like a rebellious child. A rebellious child who will disobey his parents knowing his parents love him and will forgive him so in the meantime he will have his fun. So I think nothing of impressing people with my fancied accomplishments. After a season, it will all blow over and my loving Parent will still love me and forget it about it, time heals all wounds. Except this loving parent does not live in time. I may forget about it, but He doesn’t.
I have been playing around with God’s good nature so to speak. He is a loving God, He will forgive me, so why not go ahead and take some of successes out of a ride and show it off, I have had so few of them in my life. Ok, so it is abusing pride why I will confess it to God, He will forgive me and everything is cool. The only problem is like now, I find I am dwelling in a dry land, or what I have been calling the dark night of the soul.
The word rebellious is sarar. It carries the idea of stubbornness and rebellion. It is also the word used for backsliding and morally turning away from that which is correct and right. Those who do this dwell in a dry land. Dry land in the Hebrew is tsechichah from the root word tsachach which means bright or brilliant in the sense of the sun glaring off the desert sand. Have you even been in a desert or saw pictures of the desert. For as far as you can see there is nothing but the glaring sun reflecting off the sad. It looks desolate, lonely forbidding. In fact Samson Hirsch the 19th Century Hebrew scholar and linguist says that this word actually has the idea of exposing or revealing flaws. A desert is just sand and sand and anything out of place will be glaring in its revelation.
I may think I am covering up my little transgressions and that they are nothing of any real importances. I mean it is not like I am telling bold faced lies, indulging in sins of the flesh or anything like that. But to God my little acts of pride and rebellion stand out so much to him that He cannot look at me and share His presence with me. Would God withhold His presence from me for having a little brag session? Well, since I am getting the glory and He is not, yes, I can understand why a Holy God cannot share His presence with me, cannot give me that hug I so long for and ache for.
There is a story in the Talmud about a king who had rebellious son. The son was so rebellious that the king told his son that he could no longer speak to him or even face him. The king went to his chamber and called a trusted servant and told him: “I have disassociated myself from my son because he is so rebellious. I will not speak to him or look at him. So I want you to watch over him, give him whatever he needs, make sure he is never in want.” The servant asked: “By why give him anything if he is so rebellious?” The king replied: “Because I love my son and I do not want to see him in need. But because of his rebellion, I cannot face him or look at him, so you must provide for him.”
Oh God, is that why I am in this dark night of my soul, have I been so rebellious that you cannot share you presence with me, but yet you still provide for me, you still answer my prayers but I am denied your fellowship? Dear Heavenly Father, may you never answer another prayer of mine if you would just return me to your presence and let me feel your hug.
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