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Song of Solomon 3:4: “It was but a little that I passed from them, but I found him whom my soul loveth: I held him, and would not let him go.”

I am sitting in a crowded coffee shop looking out the window on one of those romantic, overcast, rain swept days.  I note the contrast to my own life where the storm clouds have lifted and I have emerged from that Dark Night of my Soul.  I have found the One Whom my soul loveth.

The words of the Shulamite woman in the Song of Solomon apply very well to me. When I found Him, “I held him and would not let him go.”   That word for found in Hebrew is matsa  which means to find what was lost.    I never lost God, but I did lose His presence, His reality, His joy.  I am now feeling His warm presence in my life again and I am sensing His peace.

Jesus promised that he would give us peace, not that the world gives.  In the Greek the word used for peace is Eirene which is a peace of mind and soul.  Do you ever feel like your soul is healing?  The process of healing can sometimes be a very wonderful time as you know you will one day be whole and there is a joy in the anticipation of being made whole. The trauma is passed and now I have nothing to do but heal, to enjoy that warm touch of the Savior healing those deep wounds restoring me to matsa, what I had once lost.

As I rest in His presence right now I just want to hold Him and never let go.  That phrase, I held him, is one word in Hebrew ‘achaz which means to take possession of something.  It is spelled Aleph, Cheth and Zayin.  The Aleph represents God, the Cheth speaks of binding yourself to God and the Zayin speaks of God’s protection and watch care over us.  That is exactly how I feel, I am taking possession of God and binding myself to Him and resting in His watch care over me.

The next phrase would not let Him go is lo ‘arephenu which comes from the root word raphah which means to sink down, let drop.  I am holding him and arephenu, sinking down into His arms.  When the Shulamite woman met the one whom her soul loved she grabbed him and then sank into his arms.  After this long period of darkness I reached out to God and He was there and I grabbed him and just sank into His arms where I am right now, in peace, joy, comfort and rest.

I suppose someone reading this would probably think I was really playing some sort of game with myself. I am imagining the presence of God.  I am thinking myself into peace and comfort and calling it the comfort of God.  Why these past twelve days were probably all just an illusion.  And do you know what? They would have a point.  I cannot prove there is a God out there.  I can point to my peace and joy but I cannot prove it comes from God.  I cannot prove that this whole experience is nothing but just an illusion.  How do I know that the Bible is even the Word of God.  I cannot even prove that.  How do I know that I have just not chosen to believe in God and that I am not really living in reality.

Rene Descartes a French philosopher lived in the Seventeen Century.  He is considered the father of modern western philosophy and his writings are closely studied today.  Perhaps Descartes also had a Dark Night of His Soul as he questioned what reality really was.  How could he be sure the world around him existed, how could he be sure he even existed. How did he know he was not living in some matrix where he would one day wake up and find himself in some dark cavern imagining all the events and people in his life.  It is from this that his most famous quote Cogito Ergo Sum, I think there I am, sprang.

Reflecting on Descartes I have to smile and think, “So what if I am just living in an illusion, so what if I am making all this up, so what if I created God in my life rather than the other way around.  This joy, peace and comfort is one mighty fine illusion.”   So for those of you who shake your heads and think I am living in a world outside reality then I have this to say to you: “May your reality be as real as my illusion and may your reality be filled with the joy, comfort and peace of my illusion. I’ve tried your world of so called reality for twelve days and if you don’t mind I will return to my alleged illusion and the One Whom my soul loves.”

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