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Psalms 73:26: “My flesh and my heart fails, but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.”

 

“I went to an Asperger support group, but no one showed up.”  Chaim Bentorah

 

This morning as I was driving to Rockford and fumbling with my GPS because I was certain I had taken a wrong turn and was lost I heard an old song come up on the radio, His Eye Is On the Sparrow. My spirit was quickened as I listened to this song and I wept as I heard these words:

 

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows fall,

Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,

When Jesus is my portion, my constant friend is He,

His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

 

As I shared earlier I suffer from Asperger’s Syndrome which makes it very hard to make and have friends.  Loneliness has nipped at my heels all my life so that is why those words: Why should my heart be lonely and long for heaven and home, when Jesus is my portion, my constant friend his He, are so meaningful to me.  In His wisdom God has permitted me to have Asperger’s Syndrome but I also believe He has given me an added dose of comfort and the reality of His presence to compensate for my aloneness.

 

Asaph to whom this Psalm is attributed probably was not an Aspie but he understood very well what it meant to have God as his portion.. He is using the same words used in Numbers and Deuteronomy with regard to the portioning out of the land among the tribes. Only eleven tribes received a portion of land to farm and feed their families. One tribe, the tribe of Levi, received no earthly, material portion. They were not to spend their days cultivating land but cultivating their knowledge of God and to lead the members of the other eleven tribes to an understanding of God. In return the members of the eleven other tribes tithed a tenth of what they grew to the Levites so they could feed themselves and their families and be free to spend their time in the service of God.

Having Asperger’s I find I am spending much time alone, I have little to no social life.  I do not enjoy watching TV so there is little for me to do with my free time other than read and study.  It is almost like others were apportioned a certain amount of friends and social life, that was their portion but my portion was Jesus and while others are out cultivating friendship and relationships I am cultivating my knowledge of God.

Looking at this word portion we find it is the word kalak in the Hebrew which means territory, equal portions, and separation. When you look at the context you find that this whole chapter of Psalms 73 is speaking of discernment. Asaph is saying that his flesh and heart can fail him in discernment, only the Holy Spirit can give true discernment. Thus Asaph says that God is his portion or separation. God separates the truth from that which is not true.

Literally, Asaph is trying to understand something that makes no sense to him. The word flesh here is the word she’ar in the Hebrew which means flesh, but flesh in the sense of a near kinsman, or one you trust as someone of your own flesh, a close advisor. It is also a word used for food as food, once ingested, becomes a part of your body and becomes one with you. So when Asaph says that his flesh failed he is likely saying that even those closest to him, his closest counsel who are the ones with him in thought and motive have failed to explain why the unrighteous should prosper and the righteous do not.

Thus, Asaph, who was himself a Levi, was making a reference to this division of land when he said his portion was God. In other words, the wicked and unrighteous may prosper materially, but he seeks no such portion of material blessings from God, he only seeks God. If God is his portion then it does not matter if the wicked prosper materially, Asaph is prospering spiritually and he will leave his material needs in God’s hand as his ancestors had done.

When even our closest friends or relatives cannot advise us, we then look to our own hearts and let our hearts decided. But Asaph is saying that even his own heart will fail, he cannot trust his own heart for a correct understanding or discernment. So who or what can he trust?

Asaph says that God is his strength. The word in Hebrew for strength here is sur which is really a word often rendered as a rock. It is spelled Sade, Vav and Resh. This offers a sort of built in commentary. The Sade represents humility. This humility or Sade is followed by the Vav. A Vav is a letter that connects. The Vav before a word is often is used as a conjuction (and/or/nor) which connects words. The Vav is connecting you to something.  What this Vav connects you to is the Resh which is the letter which represents the Holy Spirit. God is our rock who is our connection to the Holy Spirit. It is the Holy Spirit which leads us into all truth. How do we find that connection with the Holy Spirit.? The first letter, Sade, tells us. It is the first thing we must do which is why the word starts with a Sade. The Sade represents humility. We must humble ourselves to Him. Humility means trusting only in God, admitting you do not have the answers. That is humility. We can follow good advice and follow our hearts only when we are certain it does not conflict with the revelation that is given to us by the Holy Spirit.

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