I John 4:19: “We love because He first loved us. 20 If anyone says, “I love God,” but hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.…”
Deuteronomy 6:5: “And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
My love is warmer than the warmest sunshine
Softer than a sigh
My love is deeper than the deepest ocean
Wider than the sky
My love is brighter than the brightest star
That shines every night above
And there is nothing in this world
That can change my love
-Tony Hatch-
As I enter the eighth day of my Journey to find the One Whom my Soul loveth (ahav). I am still troubled over whether I really love God or not. To love God is the greatest commandment. We are commanded to love God. That makes love an act of your will and something that you must work at. When I performed weddings I often expected the bride or groom to respond when I asked if they promised to love, honor and cherish with: “What do you mean do I promised? I would not be standing here if I didn’t love, honor and cherish.” But what I was asking is: “Do you promise to love five years from now when you have a couple screaming kids, financial burdens, a leaky roof and a spouse that is in a bad mood. Will you love that person even in this?” You have to make a conscious decision to love.
Hence it tells us in I John 4:19 that we love Him because he first loved us. He beat us to the draw. Often love relationships start with one person reaching out to the other in love and that other person responding in love. Someone takes the initiative and another responds. What John is telling us is that God took the initiative, He was the first to reach out to us in love and it is up to us to respond. In the Greek the word agape is used both times in I John 4:19: We agape Him because He first agape us. In the Aramaic the word used is chav and not racham. We chav Him because He first chav us. In Hebrew the word is ahav. I would expect racham as that is a tender love. In fact the KJV calls it tender mercies. It is the love a mother feels for her child while in womb.
We know that agape is unconditional love. We have heard so many songs, read so many books heard so many sermons on agape I think we have a picture of what it is. So I have to ask myself, do I love God unconditionally. If I never feel His presence again, will I still love Him?
It has just been made official, Mother Theresa has now been canonized as a saint. Many have criticized the Catholic church for canonizing Saint Theresa as a saint because she confessed to almost fifty years of feeling abandoned by God, not feeling His presence. She was tormented by this, much as I have been tormented by this these past few days. Her Dark Night of the Soul is one of the longest ever recorded for a saint. It is affirmed that most, if not all the saints canonized by the Catholic church went through a period of the Dark Night of the Soul. My Dark Night only lasted a few days, not fifty years like Saint Theresa. I have come to realize that does not make me better than Saint Theresa but far, far less for she continued to love God even though she went fifty years feeling abandoned by God. At one point during this fifty years she was asked by a reporter how it was that she could even look upon the face of the poorest of the poor, the man lying in the street, covered in his own filth and maggots and Saint Theresa said, “Every face I see, I see the face of the Jesus that I love.”
The Bible says He loves me and I accept that by faith although I must admit to an added bonus that there are times I do feel His presence. But when I do I feel His presence I am so ashamed because I know I don’t deserve it.
But do I really love him as Deuteronomy commands and as I John 4:19 assumes? Our English word love has been used is some many different contexts that everyone has a different idea as to what love is. Webster defines love as a tender, profoundly affectionate, passion for another. That’s heavy and probably does not fit everyone’s idea of what love is considering the context we us it is. I love Big Macs but I don’t have a tender profound affection for it. The word is chav in Aramaic and ahav in Hebrew. Both are identical. Lexicons are of little value as they just say it means love and affection. It goes on to say love between a parent and a child, a master and a slave etc., but it does not define what love it. Esoterically the Aleph, Beth and Hei represent God’s presence in our hearts. When I trace this word to its Semitic root I find it has its origins in an appetite. Appetite is a profound desire to satisfy a need or craving.
I recently asked a friend who could spend hours praying what she was usually praying for. She said: “Well, I am praying that I will love God more.” That is what triggered my Dark Night of the Soul. For I decided I too need to spend hours praying that I love God more. In response He sent me into this Dark Night of my Soul, not feeling His presence. As each day passed where I didn’t feel His presence my soul craved and longed for Him more and more. I was staving for Him. I had a profound desire to satisfy a need or craving which I need came only from God. I had an appetite for God.
I recall being on a hike where we had to ration the water. After a few hours my mouth was burning, oh how I longed for just a sip of water, but our leader refused to let me have a drop. I even heard one hiker call out: “Oh Lord send Lazarus down that he may dip his finger in some water and place it on my tongue.” Finally our leader allowed us a sip. It was warm water, tepid, but oh I never tasted water so good. To love God more I had to go without His presence for days to let my appetite build so when He opened up His presence to me as He did yesterday, it was like flood gates opening and I knew my love for Him was deeper than the deepest ocean and wider than the sky. John Wesley went through a period of the Dark Night of His Soul. He went to America to convert the Indians and returned to English crying: “I went to convert the Indians to God but who, oh Lord will convert me?” On board a ship he overheard a group of Moravians singing and suddenly the presence of God filled him and he declared: “I knew at that moment that I truly did love God.”
However, I am haunted by that I John 4:20.
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